A Preview of Next Week's PMQs

Posted: Wed 1 Jul 2009 9 04 pm

DC: What day is it today?

GB: Typical. Can't ask a question about policy. I'll tell you what Tory policy is on days of the week. They want to cut them. They want to cut Thursdays now and if they get in power, they will cut Saturdays as well.

DC: What colour is the sky?

GB: The Tory party is the only party in the world that wants to cut the sky. We have invested in the sky. We have brought forward spending on the sky and increased it by 0% whereas he would cut it by 0% year on year adjusted for real capital spending inflation.DC: What time is it?GB: That is up to the Chancellor to decide. I had nothing to do with it.

DC: Should Freddie Flintoff open the bowling at Cardiff tomorrow?

GB: If the pitch, if the pitch, if the pitch takes off cutters and that is the Tory policy. To bowl off cutters, 10% off cutters, from Mr 10%. Yes, you may laugh, but it is his policy. And I ask him, would he prefer to have Ryan Sidebottom bowling his left arm swing up the hill and into the wind?

DC: Do bears crap in the woods?

GB: Bear crapping has risen under this Labour government year on year where it fell under the previous Tory administration. We have invested in crap while they cut it. The previous government, of which he was an advisor, cut crap year on year while we have increased crap year on year in real terms since 1997. The party opposite is the only serious party in the world that is opposed to us increasing crap.

DC: Are you a liar?

GB: Of course I am. Can't think why you didn't just ask that question in the first place.

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