UK PLC – steady as she borrows
The CEO of UK PLC sends the following update to shareholders: Dear Shareholder, I am writing to reassure you. Rumours that our Finance Director wishes us to cut spending and to start to rein in borrowing are today untrue. Following a most successful meeting I have the assurance from him that he is firmly committed to our widely admired strategy of spending, borrowing and printing more. How could we do otherwise, given the disappointing turnover figures we have produced for the last four quarters? Some of my critics have even dared to suggest that the quicker recoveries being experienced by our US, German, French and and Chinese competitors should lead us to question the very foundations of all that we have bought and borrowed together in recent years. How wrong they are. I can confirm that the only way out of this temporary set back is to redouble our efforts to spend and borrow more. You will see in roads and streets near you our most successful policy of committing ourselves to shovel ready projects to change kerbs, narrow streets, replace barriers, strengthen edges and carry out all sort of needless work to restrict traffic flows on a temporary and permanent basis. You will be pleased to know every penny of this is borrowed, and much of this work can be done again to an even more annoying plan in the years ahead. You can spend your time in the traffic jams it has caused working out all the interest you will have to help us pay on all that money. We would much prefer you to go by train, where the public subsidy is so much higher. We are pressing ahead with new quangos, and have added extra jobs to our big make work schemes in the public sector. We are currently reviewing the 2010-11 budgets, as I think they are too low. We do not want to take the pedal off the floor at this late stage in our current business plan period. Which brings me to our competitors, Conco. I am pleased to remind you they have made a collosal mistake, arguing that they should take over our business and run it on more orthodox financial lines, cutting back on spending. I have decided the obvious response to this act of folly is to double our bet. So I will be planning further increases in spending and borrowing as soon as possible, forcing Conco to admit they cannot cut out all that we have so carefully put in. Our motto is and ever shall be – “Never have so many been employed and so well paid as today in our glorious company”. We will expand our workforce more, put their pay up, increase the pensions, and take over as much as possible to boost the spend and our influence. I have never felt more confident in how right we are. I am at the height of my powers as your CEO, and intend to build this company up to record levels of turnover and debt. My critics still do not get it. If you owe the bank £1 billion, you have a problem. If you owe them £1 trillion they have a problem. Now we have our own printing presses and money creating banks, how can we fail? It’s all so liberating. A few years ago I was told I needed to marry Prudence and keep away from taking over banks. How things have changed! Yours in generous salaries CEO http://www.johnredwoodsdiary.com/2009/11/02/uk-plc-steady-as-she-borrows/
The CEO of UK PLC sends the following update to shareholders: Dear Shareholder, I am writing to reassure you. Rumours that our Finance Director wishes us to cut spending and to start to rein in borrowing are today untrue. Following a most successful meeting I have the assurance from him that he is firmly committed to our widely admired strategy of spending, borrowing and printing more. How could we do otherwise, given the disappointing turnover figures we have produced for the last four quarters? Some of my critics have even dared to suggest that the quicker recoveries being experienced by our US, German, French and and Chinese competitors should lead us to question the very foundations of all that we have bought and borrowed together in recent years. How wrong they are. I can confirm that the only way out of this temporary set back is to redouble our efforts to spend and borrow more. You will see in roads and streets near you our most successful policy of committing ourselves to shovel ready projects to change kerbs, narrow streets, replace barriers, strengthen edges and carry out all sort of needless work to restrict traffic flows on a temporary and permanent basis. You will be pleased to know every penny of this is borrowed, and much of this work can be done again to an even more annoying plan in the years ahead. You can spend your time in the traffic jams it has caused working out all the interest you will have to help us pay on all that money. We would much prefer you to go by train, where the public subsidy is so much higher. We are pressing ahead with new quangos, and have added extra jobs to our big make work schemes in the public sector. We are currently reviewing the 2010-11 budgets, as I think they are too low. We do not want to take the pedal off the floor at this late stage in our current business plan period. Which brings me to our competitors, Conco. I am pleased to remind you they have made a collosal mistake, arguing that they should take over our business and run it on more orthodox financial lines, cutting back on spending. I have decided the obvious response to this act of folly is to double our bet. So I will be planning further increases in spending and borrowing as soon as possible, forcing Conco to admit they cannot cut out all that we have so carefully put in. Our motto is and ever shall be – “Never have so many been employed and so well paid as today in our glorious company”. We will expand our workforce more, put their pay up, increase the pensions, and take over as much as possible to boost the spend and our influence. I have never felt more confident in how right we are. I am at the height of my powers as your CEO, and intend to build this company up to record levels of turnover and debt. My critics still do not get it. If you owe the bank £1 billion, you have a problem. If you owe them £1 trillion they have a problem. Now we have our own printing presses and money creating banks, how can we fail? It’s all so liberating. A few years ago I was told I needed to marry Prudence and keep away from taking over banks. How things have changed! Yours in generous salaries CEO http://www.johnredwoodsdiary.com/2009/11/02/uk-plc-steady-as-she-borrows/